“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” Proverbs 31:11
I’m afraid I may have unintentionally given the impression that I have the ins and outs of marriage completely figured out, and that’s not completely true. Sure I understand in theory how marriage is supposed to function because it’s outlined all throughout the Bible as a give and take between man and wife; Give respect and love, receive respect and love… that’s how it should be. However, I’ve only been married for about 2 years and having theoretical knowledge and knowledge from experience are different things, my friends.
My 21st birthday is just around the corner, and I’ve been pondering how I’d like to spend the day. Alas, this will be the 2nd year in a row my husband has missed out on being present for my birthday. I assure you, he always makes the day special somehow, even in his absence. Last year he got me my favorite book, The Great Gatsby (obviously waaaaay ahead of time because he was in basic training) and his parents gave it to me. The fact that he had made an effort to do something special like that even though he was 3,000 miles away was gift enough for me.
My husband had his 21st birthday while he was at SOI… needless to say, he didn’t get to celebrate. Now, to be fair, he’s not the kind of person to go out just for the sake of drinking anyway. The point is, that once he could legally go out and drink till he fell over, he chose not to. He made the decision to stay in his barracks at Ft. Sill so that I wouldn’t worry he was out getting drunk with the wrong people.
Somehow, I had completely glossed over his thoughtfulness as I was thinking about my birthday. I wanted to keep from feeling lonely on that day so badly that I was thinking about going out to a bar with a couple of friends and just drinking for the sake of drinking. I was mentioning some of my celebration ideas to my husband while we were watching TV the other night, and I noticed his expression. It’s a classic expression to my husband… He gets really quiet, and his jaw clenches, and he gets really still (which if you know him, you know stillness is unusual). It finally sunk in that I was being an idiot when I asked him what was wrong. The idea of me going out with my female friends to bars in a town full of other marines who would also be drinking made him extremely uncomfortable. I was being selfish enough to not notice his feelings on the subject, and he was being adult enough to not say anything (even though he should have because it bothered him) and let me make my own decisions. So I’ve officially decided to NOT go drinking on my 21st birthday, and to celebrate otherwise. Because I want my husband to have the kind of confidence in me as I had in him while we were apart. I want him to be able to trust that I’ll make the right decision, even without him having to tell me he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I think having that level of trust, spoken and unspoken, in a marriage is a huge aspect of what will determine whether the marriage thrives or dies. He needs to know I can be trusted when he is with me and when he is not. And I’m called by God to give him that confidence in myself and my behavior as his wife, and also as his best friend.