“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” Proverbs 31:25
First, thank you to all of you who offered me your strength in my weakness. I thank God for surrounding me with people who are able to pull me back in when I feel like running away.
I titled this post good morning because my husband gave me a wake-up call. Not the one at 05:00 this morning, a different one, at about 23:00 last night.
He had been at driving school all day and night learning how to drive the humvees. Cool right? Well, he missed out on my little melt down of discontentment and when he got home, he asked me why I was upset. I told him he already knew why I was upset. He looked at me and said, “well, yeah, but I thought I talked you through that already…”
I looked back at him. “You gave me a very logical list of reasons why I shouldn’t be upset, but that doesn’t mean I’m automatically happy.”
He paced around the living room re-listing the reasons I needed to just chill out and I sat on the couch and nodded in agreement to each one. Then in classic stubborn me fashion, I stood up and said, “Well, it’s making me mad to think about it, so I’m just not going to.” and I walked back to the bedroom and stuffily put on my jammies, slightly slamming the dresser drawers like a child, in an attempt to release some of my tension.
Mitch, knowing better than to poke a ticking time bomb just quietly slipped in to bed and turned over on to his side, and was just going to let me fume. I, still wound up, got out of bed and went to the living room bookshelf and grabbed the Kathy Reichs book I had been engulfed in all week. When I got back to the bedroom, I climbed under the covers, still a little bit mad, and clicked on my book light. That got Mitch’s attention and he turned just his head to face me. “Whatcha readin’?”
“The same thing I’ve been reading all weekend…” I was still feeling moody.
He paused for a minute, somewhat offended by my unnecessary attitude. “Well… I don’t know…but maybe if it’s answers you’re looking for, you should check in the book that has them…”
I closed the book; I was speechless.
Mitch kept looking at me. “I’m not trying to offend you,” he said, “but think about it… How much time have you spent reading that,” he pointed to the book, “versus reading the Good Book?”
I tried to squeak out a reply, “…Y-yeah…” was all I could manage. I knew he was right.
Mitch went on, “And maybe, this is just where you are in your life you know? learning how to wait.” That got me fired up again.
“But for how much longer? I’ve been waiting and being told no for months!”
“I don’t know. It’s not my time. What is the meaning of life?” I looked at him and in my head I called him a dork, and lame, and mentally told him to not ask me such lame philosophical questions so close to midnight. He tried again. “What is your purpose in this life?”
“To serve God,” I answered. “But how am I doing that by doing nothing!?”
“Do you know what we’re gonna be doing in Heaven?”
I thought, what an arrogant question…”No,” I said.
“We’re all just gonna be up there sitting around praising! All the time praising! Not doing anything but worshiping the MAN!”
I squeaked out another humbled, “yeah…” and he continued.
“…So, maybe if you’re wondering what you’re supposed to be doing, you should think about that, and ask the One who can give you the answers you’re looking for. I’m not saying we’ll never have kids. I want you to go to school. I want you to be able to get a job. I love all your ideas! That’s Great- we’ll do them all! But it’s my job to look out for you and I just don’t think that you have your best interest in mind; it’s not the right time. I think you’re a little over emotional right now because you keep being told to wait, and you look around and see other people who aren’t being told that. But it’s alright. We have years. I already made one life changing decision by joining the corps that I’m having to deal with now, and I don’t want to make another one in haste like I did with that one. So just give it time.”
I started to tear up…I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been given that kind of guidance before. He had shown me strength in my time of weakness. I started to cry and thanked God for my husband and his wisdom and leadership. I leaned over to kiss him good night, and missed and got him on the cheek.
“Really? the cheek? I pour out advice and I get a peck on the cheek?”
We both giggled and drifted off to sleep. This morning I was reminded of a few scriptures I’d like to share with you. But as always, I want to do it in such a way that you have to go look them up for yourselves. Here goes…
- John 10:1-5; 9-10; 14-16
- Jeremiah 29:11 (thanks Easy-Going Organizer 🙂 ) and 33:2-3
- Galatians 6:9
- Philippians 1:6; 2:3-4; 3:14-15, 19-21; 4:12-13
- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8; 4:9-12
- Isaiah 55:8-9
If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a thousand times- this is exactly why I wanted to start this blog- to hold myself accountable, and prevent the anxiety and discontentment that come from straying from what God wants me to do and to be. And right now, He’s just telling me to “be”. Thank you for all of your help, especially you, Mitchell. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for knowing exactly what I needed to hear.