I Wish…

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“Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:29

Recently I’ve been wanting God to wave his hand over my eyes and suddenly make me aware of my life’s calling.

“But how can you know what you want till you get what you want and you see if you like it?… What I want most of all is to know what I want” –“Cinderella”, Into the Woods

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I don’t think it’s coincidence that I played “Cinderella” in SIC’s production of Into the Woods. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with my life. It seems that every time I approach a door to open it, God has it locked or slammed shut. I tried going back to school but I couldn’t afford the tuition even with grants and financial aid… We’ve looked at different houses, but they’re all already under contract, or have severe structural damage… AND EVERYONE AROUND ME IS HAVING BABIES!!!!!!! I feel like there’s not much for me to look forward to… Mitch is going to be gone most of the summer, and then off to Japan in September… He’s going to get to see beautiful things and places I’ve never even imagined; experience new culture, and travel. I just feel like I’m at a stand still, stuck in the limbo of not knowing what I’m supposed to do or where I’m supposed to be and my life is just passing me by and I’m not able to do anything to seize opportunities.

I’m so conflicted. I feel like everyone has something to be excited about and I’m just in the audience, watching them live their lives. I want a happy little family of my own, but what if our marriage isn’t ready for that? I want to go back to school, but what do I major in? I want to get a job, but where could I work? What if? What if? What if? Ifs, buts, maybes, ors… I have no concretes! I’m just waiting for God to work something out and I’m feeling completely clueless and a little bit jealous of everyone else who is taking action.

That’s my rant for the day… I’m feeling a little lacking in the surpassing them all category… I want an adventure. I want something to get excited about!

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2 responses »

  1. Get excited about: another day of life, your relationship with God, your marriage, your wonderful, loving, hard working husband, your parents, your siblings, your aunts and uncles, your grandparents, your cousins, your in-laws, your friends, your church, your doggies, your ability to write, your creativness, your beauty, your God given beautiful voice, your home, your health, your freedom, your future….you see my lovely, you have many many things to be excited about! God is working in your life, whether you can see it now or not, whether you feel it or not, whether you feel His presence or not, He IS there….working, molding and shaping you into the beautiful young woman that HE wants you to be. “Be still and know that I am God” I love you more than you will ever know! Get excited baby girl! God loves you and has a plan for you!! ❤

  2. Hey girl! Sorry your having a rough time. We all have those thoughts, I think. I have a book recommendation for you: “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow. The best Biblically-based book on contentment I have ever read. I have to re-read it once a year or so because I always find myself back in that place again. 🙂 Hope things look up. Jeremiah 29:11!

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