On Fidelity


“Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.” Proverbs 31:11

There is so much in the world, or even more specifically, so much in my community that disturbs my conscience that I literally feel heavy with disturbance.

I value my marriage as a gift and illustration of God’s love. I honor my vows to the letter, not only out of respect, reverence, and love for my husband, but also for respect, reverence, and love of God. I understand and hold to the belief that marriage was established by God to be the holy union of one man with one woman, as in the garden of Eden, when he took a rib from Adam and from it created Eve.

That being said, I value my reputation, the integrity of my word, and my sacred commitment to honor God and my husband through my marriage.

I have always been aware that I hold views that are different and even at times controversial to those of my peers. But it wasn’t until recently that those differences were made disturbingly obvious to me, as a Christian and as a wife.

Scenario 1.)

*In line at a Subway restaurant on base*

Marine 1: Hey, you remember that girl I ‘ve been talking to?… she’s married?

Marine 2: Oh, yeah… ok?

Marine 1: Check this out- *shows revealing/provocative picture of woman in question*

Marine 2: nice.

This shocked me! Am I so conservative, and modest in my view of marriage and its intrinsic worth and value that I was shocked by the betrayal and disrespect I witnessed in that one instance? Yes. What’s more, after sharing my shock and surprise at the scenario with several friends, they were unconcerned! The fact that this kind of thing happens all the time, day in, day out is appalling. It shows a blatant disrespect from both parties:

1.) Disrespect of the married woman to her husband in betrayal of her marriage vows, and the commitment she made to honor her husband, forsaking all others.

2.) Disrespect of the married woman to herself, in not valuing her body in modesty or her worth as another man’s wife.

3.) Disrespect of the marine to the woman for flashing her around like a prize to be won, or a piece of produce on display.

4.) Disrespect of the marine to the woman’s husband for taking something that does not belong to him, and betraying the trust of his fellow marine, and the sanctity of  that man’s marriage…

I could go on and on and on about how that happening was wrong on so many levels, including publicly flashing around a provocative photo of someone else’s wife. But people, the minute this rude and disrespectful behavior stops shocking us to action, we’ve lost the battle in the fight to preserve the sanctity of marriage. When we’re no longer taking the covenant of marriage seriously enough to be hurting for the man whose wife is being unfaithful, for the woman who felt the need to look outside her marriage for satisfaction, and for the man who was led astray by his own folly and the temptation of another man’s wife, we may as well pack up and call it a day. There is no point in fighting the issue of legalization of same-sex marriage if we’re no longer willing to fight for the sanctity of our own marriages.

Scenario 2:

A man was shot in his car parked in the lot of a Marine Federal Credit Union. The man guilty of killing the man in the car was a marine, recently home from Afghanistan, who fled the scene, and took his own life in the back parking lot of a Harley Davidson store. The police are deeming the murder/suicide the result of a love triangle in which the marine’s girlfriend had a relationship with the man who was shot in his vehicle.

This is just unacceptable, on multiple fronts…

1.) There were warning signs (Facebook posts, etc.) that may have led people to believe the man killed by the marine feared for his life.

2.) The marine had just come home from a war zone and very well may have been suffering from PTSD, and he was obviously not getting the help he required to cope with the loss of his girlfriend.

3.) The marine placed his trust in a woman who obviously did not value her word to remain faithful while he was away, or perhaps even misread signals, and then took matters in to his own hands.

The fact of the matter is that we could be doing so much more in the ways of marital/relationship counseling, referring troubled individuals to qualified professionals to seek the help they so desperately need. But more than that, we could be setting a new standard of what marriage should look like; the way God intended it to be.

Scenario 3:

My husband texts me informing me that his buddies think he’s crazy for letting me stay at our home while he’s on deployment; and that they say he should make me go back home, to my in-laws until he returns, so that they can, “keep an eye on me.”

Again, so many things wrong with that, I’m not sure where to begin… let’s start here:

1.) Undermining of my husband’s self-confidence and trust in himself and in me as his wife.

2.) Labeling me as a “typical military wife” should not be the equivalent of labeling me “the model spouse when her husband is around, but the second he leaves, she’ll be a lying, cheating adulteress.”

3.) I should not have to sacrifice the comfort of my home, and the plans I have for furthering my education to satisfy an illegitimate concern of infidelity.

4.) I should not have to continually justify my motives when they are strictly honorable

5.) The motto, “Semper FidelisSHOULD MEAN SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I value my word. I value the word of my husband. I, over all else, value the word of God. And for a branch of the military service to pledge to be “always faithful” should mean more than just being “always faithful” frequenters of pornographic websites and strip clubs.

Edward Albee is quoted as having said, “…And if you can’t handle pain, then you can’t handle love.” I submit that if you can’t handle marital fidelity, you don’t deserve a spouse’s love. Apparently I’m the only one in my community or among my peers that feels this strongly about the sacred ties that bind a marriage commitment. I’m on a mission to change that.


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