Integrity

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“The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out.” Proverbs 10:9

in·teg·ri·ty/inˈtegritē/

Noun:
  1. The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
  2. The state of being whole and undivided: “territorial integrity”.
I’ve been wrestling with the word “integrity” recently; what does it really mean? How is it reflected in my life? What does integrity look like? Well, that’s the definition above. While I initially thought that I was looking for the word’s first definition, I’m now leaning more toward definition number two- “The state of being whole and undivided…” Applying that definition to my faith, am I whole and undivided? I would like to think so, but I know that there are times when I am not. There are things in my life that distract or deter me from my walk of faith on a daily basis: TV, Facebook, menial tasks, school, physical fitness… the list goes on and on. None of those things are innately evil, but it’s when I let them come before Christian service, or scriptural study, or even just listening and being there for my friends and family that they start to pull me away from my focus.
Over and over again, I’m reminded of something I heard Ravi Zacharias say on one of his recorded segments, because it really resonated with me. I’ll paraphrase the last three thoughts he left with his audience:
1.) Pleasure for pleasure’s sake will leave you empty.
2.) There is a place for legitimate pleasure.
3.) Worship brings complete pleasure.
For some reason or another, I periodically forget those three points and I start to feel distanced from God, and it usually takes myself or my husband snapping me out of a funk to make me realize I’m the one who caused the separation by neglecting to put God first. It’s a choice. Not a one time choice, but a daily choice to make God the Lord of my life. And I struggle with that. I get distracted by paying bills, doing laundry, cleaning the house, taking care of the dogs, making sure my husband has everything he needs, keeping in touch with family, spending time with friends, exercise (I know it sounds weird, but it is a legitimate obstacle for me at times), and when I let all those things build up, I get a depression/slothfulness attack and then it takes a “Ka-boom!” moment to snap me back to reality.
The point of this blog isn’t to preach to my readers. It’s not to make me look like I have it all together, or that I have all the answers, because I don’t. I struggle just as much as anyone else. The point of this blog is to put myself out there; to make known my struggles, as well as my successes and to make myself accountable. That is what integrity looks like to me. I desire to be a woman of integrity; to be whole and undivided, and to be a woman of my word… which is why I’m about to burn 16 copies of a hand bell performance, regardless of my lack of knowledge concerning how to accomplish said task… It’s why in the past couple days, I’ve made over-due apologies to family and friends I realized I may have insulted or hurt…
 It’s also why I’m in the works of getting information on how to set up a race, here in my own town to raise awareness for PTSD. Right now, all I have are ideas, but I know it’ll get there. When I set my mind to do something, I do it well, to the best of my ability, and I do it whole-heartedly. So I realize that organizing a race will probably take over a year to accomplish, I’m making it known now, and asking for your support, advice, or information to help me support a cause that is very real, being the wife of a United States Marine who works with those who have PTSD, both diagnosed and undiagnosed, and seeing the devastating effects of PTSD.
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